My missing Uncle
April 20, 2010My father is one of seven children.
I have 2 aunts and 4 uncles on his side.
I have met 2 aunts and 3 uncles.
1 is dead.
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JR is the one no one talks about.
No, that’s not entirely true.
JR is the one no one talks about, unless they slip and mention him in
passing.
“JR used to…” “JR always”
“JR would have liked you.”
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My uncle died sometime between his 17th and 21st birthdays.
From what I can tell, at least, that’s when he died.
No one talks about him.
And I have a missing uncle.
I have a hole that no one is willing to fill.
I asked my mom once how he died, who he was, what had happened.
She told me she didn’t know.
No one talks about it.
—
My youngest uncle is starting a theater program.
He’s dedicating it to my uncle, his brother.
He sent an email to the family, explaining what the program would be.
He told about how it would be aimed at helping people; at helping people
with problems like addiction, depression, loss. Helping people through
Drama Therapy to express their problems and work through them.
It would be a program of heART.
He told about how he felt that his brother, who loved theater, would
have benefited from a program like this.
No one responded.
I never know what to say in situations where JR is brought up. I think
in part because I don’t know him, in any sense. I don’t know him and can’t
speak towards what would make a fitting tribute, or what he would like.
—
It’s an eerie silence, when people avoiding a topic are forced to look at it.
—
He wrote another email, asking if people were angry about what he said.
His second email said “I don’t know exactly what happened with our
brother, whether it was an accident or on purpose.”
I don’t think he meant to send it to me.
—
I have 4 uncles. I’ve met 3.
We don’t talk about the 4th one, and I don’t know why.
—
After writing this I once again asked my mom to tell me what happened. I know now, though it is not something I will be sharing. I can understand a lot better, now, why no one wants to talk about what happened, but I still don’t feel that should be the same as not talking about HIM. I still wish I knew him.
bibliosaurus @ gmail . com
I’m so sorry, love. Thinking about you. <3
I’m glad you got some answers to how. I hope that maybe you’ll learn more about who he was. Someday.
I too have a missing uncle. He was my mom’s much younger brother. He was one of four teenagers in car on an icy Iowa winter night. The car skidded out, and all four were killed.
I don’t know a whole lot about my Uncle Rick, when he was coming of age my mom had already moved out and gotten married. But every summer when I went to stay with my grandparents in Davenport, Iowa, I slept in Rick’s room, in Rick’s bed. I was surrounded by all his stuff — his room had gone pretty much unchanged since his death in the 60s.
I played with his toys even.
I grew older than Rick ever did (15) while sleeping in that room for a week every summer. I probably started staying there when I was elementary school age and kept going until I was 18. Sleeping in his bed on hot summer nights, listening to crickets through a screen window.
I know little about him, really. Rick was a good football player, a quarterback. He was Catholic, like his mom. But I do know what his room looked like, and that gives me a little insight into his soul that’ll stick with me.
<3 it must have been odd living in the same room he did. Thank you for sharing.