Archive for the ‘Love’ Category


On Friendship and the Internet

June 4, 2010

I need the ability to be anywhere I want whenever I want. Because it would make hugging the people I care about a lot easier.

Or they all just need to move to California.

I have never been good at making in-person friends. I have a few very good friends I keep as close as possible, but its hard for me to make new ones. I’m shy and awkward and ultra self-conscious in person. Besides Meghan and Jesse and Nate, my best friends are people I’ve met online – Beren and Leah for example.

Beren is my Soulie and Leah is my cross-country twin. Ive known them both at least 6 years and I love them dearly. Theres nothing I wouldnt do if they needed it. Ive only met Leah once (shes currently in Cincinnati) and Ive never met Beren (though I will in August – he lives in New York), and yet, again, there’s nothing I wouldnt do for them.

So when people I’ve met online that I like very much are hurting it hurts me too. I guess Im just better at being friends with people who cant see me being awkward, who dont see my dirty jeans and bitten nails, that Im covered in cat hair most days, that I humm the Star Wars theme to myself when I pee at work. Its easier to let myself be close to people who cant judge me as much I guess.

So, dearest online friends. I love you. Please know that. And that if you ask it, I will do almost anything for you that I can.



Wish List: Pitbulls

May 6, 2010

It’s no great secret that I love pitbulls.

I spend far too much time browsing BAD RAP and Petfinder looking at the cuties available and breaking my own heart.

The dogs in my life have for the most part (90% or so) been Pits – Petey, Olive, Tuesday above other are my favorite. All beautiful, cuddly, loving little poop-faces. All dogs people have been terrified of despite their obviously kind nature.

Petey is a big goof – big headed, spotted and a total idiot. The Manbear put his whole hand in Petey mouth and the pups just smiled and drooled at him, totally enamored. That’s what he does.

Olive is a sweet lady with no eyes. Shes short and stout, with a broad chest. Shes stocky for sure, and tough, but will cuddle up with you on the couch or run around in the yard just like any other puppy.

Tuesday was my sweet girl. She was a Aussie Cattle Dog – Pit mix, and beautiful. She was the sassiest of sassy and had the pit face and booty, and was very very smart and she was wonderful. And I loved her very much.

I love the breed and have been doing my part, as a future shelter pitbull owner, to make sure I know as much as possible about this “breed”.

I am not here to discuss the fear factor associate with pitbulls – the idea that they, above all other dogs, are killers. I will not go into how I feel about people who fight these dogs. I will not go into the “common understanding” that pitbulls are vicious, ruthless and heartless; how they are terrible family animals; how they should never be kept as pets. I wont get into the Nature vs. Nurture argument. Because its too encompassing. And I want to focus on the good of these wonderful dogs.

Instead, I want to show off some cuties that I’ve fallen in love with.

This little puppy is Belinda. Shes tiny and adorable and looks like a bat! I want to give her little squeeky kisses.

This is Grace. She was a Vick dog. Now shes recovered and gained her Canine Good Citizenship certificate. She little and wriggly. Perfect for cuddles.

This is Pinky. She has a BLOG. And is so so gremlin-y and adorable, and seems like my kind of girl. I need some of this in my life.

And the newest Heartthrob of my life: Buckeye

I mean look at that big geek! He totally just want to please and  roll around in dirt all day.

All of the above goobers can be found for adoption at, a Bay Area based Pit rescue.

And then. AND THEN, Tori at Sweet Avenue wrote about volunteering at the Fresno Bully Rescue the other day. And I melted and knew I had found someone who understood the amazingness of these resilient dogs.

And I met BonBon – tied to a tree with a chain imbedded in his neck this smart guy is all smiles and spots.

And Moose, a tiny goob.

And Candy, a grinner.

And then… Potato.

He gives soft kisses. Hes a giant. He loves baths. I am in love. I mean, lookit that smooshy face!

So yes. I know what I want for my birthday.

Pretty please?

Tori wrote about a robbery at a no kill shelter outside of Fresno. If you’re in a position to donate and want to give to an animal shelter, please consider the Selma Animal Shelter. Or BADRAP. Or FBR.


I am in love

May 3, 2010

He makes me laugh.

He buys me tampons.

He makes dinner and cleans up after.

He reads to me and loves when I read to him.

He lets me be silly and plays along.

He washes my back and boobs.

He thinks of me first, in bed and in life.

He drives me to work every morning.

Sometimes he picks me up.

He takes my breath away.

He constantly surprises me.

He understands what I mean, even when  I don’t.

His kisses rock my knees and his smile makes me blush.

He looks at me and sees me.

He puts up with my craziness and moodiness.

He has the sweetest petname for me ever.

He brings me water in bed and turns off the light.

He loves me.
And I love him.

Happy Anniversary, Manbear. I love you.


Lets talk about drinkin.

April 8, 2010

Alternate title: endless ramblings discussing my drunkenness last night.

This past week has brought about quite a few lightbulb moments for friends of mine.

Erica‘s is one of the biggest, in my opinion, and I’m naturally quite proud of her. (Im just going to call her Penney from now on since thats what I call her and I keep confusing myself trying to call her Erica in this post. MY LIFE IS SO HARD)

So to celebrate, we got shit-faced in the middle of the afternoon.

You know, because we’re adults.

And thats what adults do.


We met at The 515 downtown for cocktails and snackies.

Given the fact that we hadn’t seen each other in a while it was pretty exciting. Don’t judge us.

*I would like to note at this time, that I am not a tequila drinker. At all. It either makes me very very angry/honest or very very bitchy/honest. Yesterday was no different. Sorry Mom.

I sat down just as the dick-waiter (hes not an ACTUAL penis, just a dick-ish person) asked if we were ready to order.


Enter the drink list.

A FOUR PAGE list of fancy drinks, wine, beers in the bottle and on tap, champagne cocktails and more.

I dont like wine.

I dont like beer.


Mixed drinks it is!

Then Penney looks casually over and says “…so the happy hours drinks are…”

She is trying to get me in trouble, i can just tell.

We both settled on The 515 Signature.

Like 10 kinds of tequila*, a sugar rim and some other stuff.


and STRONG. so so strong.

we ordered a few appetizers (a lambjoun (grilled lamb and feta on flat bread – YUM), some sweet potato FRITES (why do you have to be so fancy 515!?)) too and nom-ed down.

I was VERY GLAD this morning to have had the forethought to say YES to Penneys suggestion of snackies.

I often say “Give me vodka. I can take it like a champ!” The same cannot be said for tequila, as I’ve stated.

Instead of anger, this time, I became very bitchy. Well snarky. Lets not exaggerate my meanness, shall we?

And Penney and I had an amazing conversation about serial killer babies, ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, housing changes, kittens and shotgun weddings.

And we were each only one drink in.

Peniswaiter: Do you want another?

Penney: YES.

Peniswaiter: and you?

Me: uhh… well…..

Penney: Do—


Penney: — it!

Peniswaiter: wat-evur.

I should have said no.

The man next to us politely asked his waiter if he could move.


He took the farthest seat away.

Penney: I have never felt SO GUILTY.

Me: You are clearly not Jew-y enough.


The first three drinks (My first and Penney’s two) were brought out in what Penney calls BUCKETS. My second drink is what I can only kindly call a bathtub.

I still dont understand why they were different, but Penney told me that places run out of buckets a lot so WHATEVER, i thought, and drank.

A little later we stumbled home where out awesome conversation continued, incorporating ho-abortion, swearing in front of babies, exes, exes having ho-abortions as the reason for their shotgun weddings, how im not enough of a jew, housemates, and sex.

We arrived at her house (a six block walk) just after I had called the Manbear to PLEASE COME GET ME IM DRUNK OK THANK YOU I LOVE YOU BYE.

I may have done the following things: flopped on her couch, admired her fancy clean carpet, flopped on her bed, flopped on her floor, tried to open the screen door for the Manbear despite it being latched shut, bitten her cat, hit her cat with a cat toy while trying to play, flopped on the Manbear, rolled around on the floor, demanded a dinner of CRACKERS when we got home, rejected the idea of a real meal, talked about having to pee (a lot).

At no point did I feel embarrassed, i would like to point out. Because Penney and the Manbear are people I feel 100% ok doing stupid things like this around. ITS CALLED FRIENDSHIP OK.

When we got home I flopped on the floor, cuddled the ‘bod (aka CLUNG DESPERATELY TO MY CAT AS HE TRIED TO GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME), rolled around on the carpet, drunkenly responded to my dads text about baseball with an IM DRUNK comment, had the following text conversation with Penney:

P: I thought I was sober but I an clearly still drunk. Love it!

Me: Meee tooo! trying to teach jesse to swim without water. ITS HARD TO DO

P: Lol you are amazing

P:I just used the word concurrently in a text. I may have even used it properly. Weird.


Yes. I tried to teach Manbear to swim.

In bed.

It really was pretty hard because I kept feeling like I was going to fall over while I was swimming.

Then I fell asleep.

It was about 9pm.

Me: May or may not have passed out at 9.30 last night without eating

P: Haha! i was out at 10.30. I had cookies?

Me: Never got my crackers!

What Im trying to say is – you TOTALLY WANT TO HANG OUT WITH ME.

And I want crackers.

*probably only three but i cant find a drink menu online to save my life!


Purple for Maddie

April 7, 2010

I am wearing the only purple I own today – a necklace with purple flowers.

It’s not a color I own a lot of.

It always seems too special, too regal and important for me.

I never met Maddie.

But I met Maddie, in the early summer of last year, through a link somewhere. I don’t remember where.

I spent almost the entire day reading back entries of The Spohrs are Multiplying, falling more and more in love with Maddie and her family, despite my timing.

I understood instantly her charisma and charm, why everyone loved her, and why everyone was so saddened.

I wasn’t just that a small child was gone, it was that a huge light had gone out.

She was so much.

And indescribable.

I’ve never said a word to Heather or Mike. I don’t know them and the shy person in me is still too shy to reach out and say “I’m so sorry. I never met you but I’m so so sorry.”

Those words wont ever do her justice, or them.

I can’t explain loving a child I’ve never met, and yet there are so many of us that do.

So I am wearing purple, for the sweet girl it is so strongly associated with now.

She was made of love, and she is missed.

Friends of Maddie


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