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a post

I have been very busy lately.

I say this not as an excuse, but as an explanation.

I have a hundred things to talk about, to share; thousands of words to rush out to explain the wonderful things I’ve been doing – the things off my life list, the exploits of my hobo and his lady friend, the party with the guy in the dress, crafts. I want to explain how crappy work is being, and how good at the same time. I want to tell you about the thing my sister is doing, and the way the ManBear looks at me. I want to tell you how I feel fat and beautiful and tired and clever. I want to tell you how much I love my life, my man, my cat, my friends, the world.

Instead, for now, for this brief moment i have to breathe and collect, I’ll tell you about all the things I want to tell you about.

Life is really, really good.

Women I love

I’m doing an actual Follow Friday post because I feel like it.

SO THERE.

These are women I love and think you should follow.

Ive limited myself to five because, lets be honest, I love me some ladies. LALOTS. These are women I feel more connected to than most, women I consider friends/ho-mances/lovers/boobie buddies. You’d like them. AND NOW I WILL TELL YOU WHY. In NO particular order.

Also, this is by NO MEANS a complete list. If you aren’t on it, its not cause I dont love you. Its probably more likely that I just am lame and didnt think of you at the moment I wrote this. Sorry. I STILL LOVE YOU PLEASE DONT HATE ME KISSES KISSES?!

1. Miss Grace

Jenny is without a doubt one of the funniest ladies Ive ever met. And I do mean MET. Sometimes when we take our lunch walks and shes all OH MY GOSH YOU ARE SO SLOW it is only because I am laughing so hard. SO STOP SHOUTING YOU JERK. also her son is one of the cutest things ever. Like really. He could win contests or be in magazines or something. AND she is a fantastic writer. A personal writer. I can hear her when she writes. I would totally get in a fight to defend her. Not her honor though. Cause thats not my fight. But i would totally cut a ho in a bar fight. if id had a drink. And she didnt want to bother. Or care. Cause she might not.

AND! She has truly encouraged me in bloggy ways. In sassy, DONT BE A DUMBASS NO ONE HAS A LOT OF READERS WHEN THEY START OUT AND IF YOU DONT GO TO BLOGHER I WILL CALL YOU A PUSSY. I WONT CARE BUT I WILL TOTALLY CALL YOU OUT ON IT kind of ways. Yes.

2. Miss Miss

Oh Miss Miss. Known to most people as “Just One Miss” i have coined the new name and demanded friendship. In a shy demand-y kind of way. Miss Miss was one of the first people I ever followed on Tumblr and she is one of the most welcoming and wonderful people I could have hoped to have found. Shes funny and silly and despite her love of the dodgers I would totally make out with her.

3. Mommy Geeks!

Caitlin is quickly becoming one of my go-to ladies. She is open and accepting and non-judgmental but still snarky enough to match my need for bitching.  Shes a rockin’ mom and an awesome geek (check out Rent a Geek) and website-er-er. And so cute!

PLUS! We are road-tripping to NY for Blogher in august! EEE!

4. GrumbleGirl - even though i usually spell it GrumblrGirl for some reason. GG, or TT as I often call her, is one of those ladies you/I aspire to be. She is incredibly funny and bright and makes me smile. Id known her for a day and I had already told her “I think I love you”. We instantly clicked. Plus her children are gorgeous and shes an amazing writer and loves shoes and helps me stay calm and and and!

You will love her I promise.

5. Meghan. Meghan. My ho-mance. My bestie. My lady-friend boobie-wife. Hater of those I hate. Lover of those I love. Mother of Desmond the Big Fat Black Cat. Meghs. Meggy MacFeggy. Meghan is braver than I will ever be and smart. Like wicked smart. Shes also very modest. She will move mountains and make these huge life-altering changes and not tell you until you are like MEGHAN OH MY GOD WHAT YOU JUST DID and she’ll be like YEAH OK WHATEVER LETS GO MAKE FUN OF PEOPLE. She tells you what she thinks and means and isnt shy about it. She has my back more than anyone else I know. And I will defend her and bitch with her to the best of my abilities for the rest of my life.

Also she got me this awesome best friends matching smiley-face cupcakes necklace that is SO TOTALLY AWESOME AND NERDY AND HO-MANTIC AND I LOVE IT.

and those are 5 random awesome ladies that i love and you will too.

Happy Friday!

What a fuckin’ day

I am seriously about to cry.

It started out pretty ok:

@bibliosaurus: When you draw brussel sprouts, they look like VAGINAS. about 9 hours ago

Then rapidly went down hill.

(read from the bottom up)

so, yesterday I:

1. met with my boss (6 hours late (thanks to him (douche.))

2. did NOT recieve the netflix I was supposed to get MONDAY (Season One, Disc One of THE WEST WING (which is an utterly amazing show holy crap))

3. Came home to a cat whose asshole was CAKED SHUT with POOP. Because he had gotten into the treats, eaten too many, and got diareah. So I got to try and pull out / cut out as much as I could.

4. BATHED my cat after he would NOT let me get all the poop off his ass. That was fun.

5. Cleaned up the trail of poops all around the house when he scooted his ass around. Assface.

And its only 7 pm.

A Bad Date

Her: Please call at 10:30pm prompt with emergency?

Me: yus

Her: I’m hiding in the E bathroom on longest pee of my life.

Me: haha! poor [lady]! that bad?

Her: Entire night is like being on a date with a ADD-plagued 6yo. One who is being charged and sent to the brigg by USMC. Fucksakes.

Me: eeeee… at least its almost movie time!

Me: Ive set an alarm to call. Vomit! I will say.

Her: Yesyesfucksakes

—

I called on schedule. Her response:

“I finished the last five minutes at the back of the theater so he wouldn’t see me.”