Miss Grace’s “Pipe Cleaner Craft Smackdown”

The Following Post has been YOINKED completely from Miss Grace. I tried (TWICE!) to write a post about these on my own but it just wasnt as good.

(All photos, text, and menacing Reindeer courtesy of Grace)(except the notes at the bottom)(Cause those are mine)(Not hers)(Except the pictures still are hers and they were taken on her table in her house with her HUGE FANCY CAMERA OH MAN I WANT IT)(Moving on.)

Last Night, we crafted:

Don’t mind me. I’m a goofy looking tree. Following the vague instructions made me look reasonably as pictured.

My candy cane is inexplicably large. And I have feet.

They say I’m a girl, but I don’t know for sure. I do not have feet. Why does homeboy get feet?

I have a backbone! Jigga jigga what?  I will kill you with my SPINAL COLUMN OF DOOM.

OH HAI I AM PINK AND FLUFFY FLUFFY FLUFF BALL THIS THING ON MAH BELLY IS A MUFF.  Directions sez so.

For an elf I am curiously tall. Who gave me these Christmas Uggs?  My tights are manly.

Santa Pimp Swagga G. Where my hos at? We be pimpin. BUT OH MAH JEEBUS WHAT IS THAT???

I WILL EAT YOUR BRAINZ

I KILL YOU DEAD

Um, guys? Do you know there’s a boxing tree over here trying to kick my ass? Help a brotha out?

WE ARE GREATER THAN THE SUM OF OUR PARTS. WE WILL HURT YOU BAD IN THE HEAD. SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH.

Oh noes! Reindeer zombie creepo is humpin’ on our Pink Lady.

Eep!

Confrontation is icky!

I cut you with MY SPINE!!

I KILL YOU DEAD

Santa: That’s our reindeer you jerkoff!

Elf:  Simmer down Santa. Simmer down.  Don’t make me hurt you.

You made me hurt you Santa. Me in ZOMBIEREINDEEROFDOOM hafta conquer the world now. No hard feelings?

—

Notes from Kat:

1. We really did follow the instructions. They just weren’t very good.

2. The reindeer is now under a box. In my house. Because Miss Grace didn’t want it in hers. Because it is SATAN.

3. The giant Christmas Ugg wearing elf is currently riding the reindeer.

4. The reindeer may or may not be, at this moment, eating my cat. I wouldn’t put it past him.

5. Baby Jesus might have cried a lot during last nights attempt at holiday spirit. Like, snotty sobbing tears of pain and despair. Cause really? Have you seen them?

6. Hot glue guns will burn you. A lot. And then when you get home you’ll have hot glue strings in your tank top and not know why. Because really? How does that even GET THERE?!

7. Was Gabriel like, hiding the strings in my shirt when i wasn’t looking? WAS IS THE PIMP SANTA?!

8. Maybe Jesse was doing it while i was drinking awesome apple cider and eat cheese from the cheese plate? “HAHAHA” HE SAID AS HE FLUNG GLUES OF HOT GLUE DOWN MY BRA “SHE WONT SEE IT COMING!”

9. Jesse is clearly a dick.

10. Dont even get me started on the pink fluffy snow girl thing.

Farts and Crafts

I’m a crafter. I full on admit it. I love making things and feeling that creative rush – the flush in my cheeks, the personal pride, the finished product.

I’m also REALLY LAZY.

I’ll give you an examples:

1. I pulled out my giant box of clay (mostly fimo) and made about a dozen bees in different styles. Fully satisfied with the work for the day, i put them aside to bake later. Its been 4 weeks. They still have not been baked.

2. I embroidered a towel for Jesse’s mom: seashells since she loves them. Its one of two. I haven’t started the second one. Its been 3 months.

3. I have a giant stack of pages pulled from magazines to glue to a frame i have – TO DECOUPAGE IF YOU WILL – that I have been carting around through 3 moves.

4. There’s a giant box of art supplies under my bed – pens, pencils, crayons, markers, scissors, glue, paint. I never touch any of it but can’t get myself to throw it out. JUST IN CASE.

So it’s not that I’m lazy, per se, I just have no follow through.

(I did make a childrens book for a class, but that was homework so I dont know if it counts.)

I’ll work on this.