This was a crazy weekend – Jesse’s birthday, his sister Kelly being in town, a trip to the hospital for a friend of mine, Meghan getting strep throat, Marianna in town, birthday party with the family and so much more.
It really made me think about friendships – those we nurture and hold on to, and the kind we let fall by the wayside.
We all have the friends we arent proud of: the friend who always has a little too much and gets a little too rude, or the one who steals your shirts and never gives them back, or the one who steals your boyfriend and never gives him back. Sometimes we just accept them, reminding ourself that this is who they are and we shouldnt expect anymore.
Other times, like this weekend, we make the decision to let go.
When I moved back to Santa Cruz for school i found a house on craigslist with two rockin’ broads. Cheos* is living in King City, CA now but is still one of my favorite people. She is morbidly sarcastic and viciously witty. She has an odd fascination with Matlock and far too much brain for one person. And I love her. So when I heard she was in trouble saturday night I knew of course I would help.
We have a mutual friend. Cheos, along with this friend, had been at a bonfire on the beach. Cheos got some bad news and had far too much to drink far too fast. She got violently ill. Most of what I know is second hand because I wasnt there. What I did experience first hand led to my revelation.
Apparently after getting her into the car** (where she threw up)(a lot)(no really like A LOT with capitol letters) he (and the 2 girls he was with – Bitch 1 and Bitch 2 I will call them) let her fall out of the car onto cement.
With her head.
Twice.
Because once wasn’t enough.
Eventually I get a call
(and im paraphrasing)
him: cheos is really drunk in the gutter on cedar street and i dont know what to do with her so can we take her to your house so you can take care of her?
they ended up getting her to my house but she never made it inside. executive decision on jesse and my part decided she would go to the ER (prolonged puking and extreme drunkeness in addition to a horrid looking head wound and possible concussion mean doctor in my book).
him: but she doesnt have insurance
him: but shes still puking and my car is new
him: but I dont know how to get there
him: but shes already OUT of the car
him: but im TIIIIIIIIRED***
we finally got her to Dominican Hospital’s ER.
(Nurse: alcohol is not your friend!
Cheos: yeah is)
She had been unresponsive and unintelligable in the car apparently (we took two cause we didnt all fit in one) and seemed worse than when shed been on the ground in front of my house.
We gave the best medical history we could to the admitting nurse, they wheeled her in, and I got ready to wait for a while.
[I am a veteran of the Dominican Hospital ER. I have been there for myself 3 times. I was there for my ex multiple times as well. Between his back healing poorly, his incisions splitting open, and his attempted suicide and admission to the behavioral health center, Ive had my share of that ER and hospital. From the ER you can see the room he stayed in for two and a half weeks after his surgery, the behavioral health ward he stayed in for 5 days after he tried to kill himself. It does not bring back good memories for me.]
Despite my horrible memories of the place, I had Jesse there and my friend was in trouble, in pain, and possibly seriously hurt and I didnt mind waiting so long as we made sure she was ok.
Within 20 minutes however, our “mutual friend” and his two bitches were ready and itching to leave.
bitch 1: well how is she going to get home
bitch 2: they’ll give her a taxi voucher
him: but where is she going to go
bitch 2: the taxi can take her wherever she wants to go
him: she lives 2 hours away
bitch 2: she can go to [her ex boyfriend]‘s house****
him: Kat, how long can you stay here? We’re going to go
I dont remember what I said really. Ive tried to, and i know it wasnt polite but I cannot remember what I said. I know it included things like “havent even been here half an hour” and “your friend could have a serious head injury and youre thinking of leaving”, ending with “if you want to go, fucking go. i’ll stay. its fine. so go if youre going to, but its a shitty thing to do”.
I also may have stormed out at that point.
Cheos would have done the same for me.
Eventually they left, we got an update and i got to see her. shes ok. i stayed with her from 10:30 to about 1:30am. Our “friend” came back after the massive guilt trip, and Jesse and I went home. But not before, in the waiting room, bitch 2 told jesse that she knew cheos wasnt that bad and we shouldnt have even bothered bringing her to the ER. Her blood alcohol level was ONLY .28 – ONLY 3.5 times the legal limit. Its not like thats bad or anything. And her head wasnt THAT bad.
Later, our friend had the audacity to be angry with cheos. Angry with the girl he has let get drunk enough to die. Angry with the girl he was going to abandon at the ER to take a taxi home when she was discharged. Angry with the girl whose head injury could have been so so much worse.
And I am angry at him. When did it become ok to treat your friends with such disregard and respect? How is it ok to abandon people when they need you most. Had it been me, drunk in a gutter, I sure as hell would not have called him – a selfish asshole, more interested in how a situation will affect him that how the situation isnt about him.
And its easy to see why we let go. We cant hold onto people we know are going to let us down when we need them to be strongest for us. Its not that I dont have faith, but rather that I have seen in action and practice the opposite of what I should have seen. The saddest part is that people like this dont realize they are like this. Blissfully unaware of their selfishness, their need to be the center of attention, their vain attempts at gaining sympathy through a filter of someone elses’ misfortune, these “friends” manage to stay our friends.
But we have to let go.
And I am.
*Cheos is a nickname we gave her based on some junk mail she got. they simply butchered her name and it came out a mixture of chelsea and Courvoisier so we started calling her Cheoseay. Ive shortened it to Cheos (CHEE-OS).
**in his (mild) defense, he HAD bought it just they day before
*** he didnt actually say that
****despite the fact that him having a new girlfriend is what started this whole fucking thing in the first place. whore.
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