PUTTIN’ STUFF IN MAH MOUTH

It’s no question that I’m an odd one. I know it, you know it, the Manbear knows it. My parents knew it when I picked Shakespearean dramas over Saturday morning cartoons.

But there are some things that highlight it for me.

I went to the ~*~EXPRESS STORE~*~ for a mid-afternoon doldrum buster (read: sugary snack) and decided on Whoppers. You know, the Original Malted Milk Balls. They are flavored both Naturally AND Artificially. Two in one baby.

Anyway, walking back to my office, munchin’ on my malty balls (…ew) I noticed that I eat them in a very particular manner. Chewing / crunching them straight on makes me feel like I’m touching chalk – I get a itching feeling in my teeth, a grating down my spine. I can’t explain it more than that but its really uncomfortable (also the reason I can’t write with chalk).

Instead, I crack them in half with my right canine, flip half of the malt ball up to my right gum (flat side IN of course) and proceed to suck the malt out of that sucker the other half. Then when its mush(ier) I do the same to the other half. Rinse repeat.

That made me think of other food things I have. Not a “I can only eat foods of the same color that have been grown on the same farm” or “my food can’t touch air while its being prepared OR I WILL DIE OF DEATH” kind of odd thing, just a way of eating certain things.

I think most people understand this in relation to Pringles (I’m a wide-way eater but there are also duck-lips, breaking them in half, two at a time, etc) – every one has their system. But crap man, I am PICKY.

Sunflower seeds – four in the left cheek, crack in the middle, shift seed away, crack the rest, then eat the seeds, spit.

Sandwiches have to be wrapped in a napkin

Skittles – lined up in colors, yellows saved for last.

Peanut M&Ms  – cracked in half, peanuts pulled out with tongue, devoured.

Bagels – eaten half at a time, but folding in half for double layers.

Quesadillas – if folded in half: cut into 4 pieces, eating the outside/edge pieces first. If whole, cut in half, then cut into eights, eating in a circle.

Etc.

Ive never thought of myself as an odd eater. There are things I always do while eating, but I usually don’t think about them. They are all subconscious so I’m not looking to change, but I can’t imagine I’m alone in this. Or at least, I hope I’m not.

And don’t think I’m going to change ’cause I noticed it. ‘Cause I’m not.

I’m still going to suck those malty balls, baby. So there.

Girl Talk Thursday: Favorite Part of You

I bet you all expect my to say that my favorite body part is my boobs, don’t you?

You totally do.

And I do love them. A lot. Like. A LOT A LOT. Like, in college we had to do a presentation with a game or some shit and we made a game about favorite body parts I guess ( I really cannot remember the context of this thing…) and I was all MY FAVORITE IS MY BOOBS and drew it on a huge chalk board in front of lots of people.

BALLSY.

Anyway,  normally I would say it was my tittys, but I think today I am going in a different direction this time.

I’m going in the “the one thing I have that most people don’t and thats why I love it” direction.

I have a large Globular Processes. Some people call it a Intermaxillary segment. A lot of people call it that divit above your mouth and under your nose. And mine is really pretty big.

I guess I was just born that way? It never really bothered me until my dad pointed it out 5 or so years ago, then I was devistated. I mess with it, folding the skin together, I push it flat (as much as I can) to try and see what I would look if it were smaller. I hated it for a long while.

Then I decided that I wasn’t going to hate it anymore, I was going to embrace it. To embrace the weird thing that most people didn’t have that made my face interesting.

Yes, it sticks out a lot. I can see it when I look down my nose, even. If I try real hard and stick it out a little, at least.

But I’ve come to cherish it and enjoy it.

‘Cause its part of me. And I love it.